The Moat

Bored as a blind bum deaf and dumb begging for dimes in the desert, I watch out my apartment window as my landlord, Charlie Cho, builds an impressive moat around the small apartment building I’m writing this in. I ask him why the moat Charlie Cho, why the unneeded expense, why the effort, especially when his business is in its infancy and revenue can so easily be reinvested in more practical improvements like garbage disposals. He tells me that terrorism is a ballooning threat and we should all build moats around our places of sleep and masturbation as to minimize the potential of death via automatic machine gun, dirty bomb, car bomb or airplane. I do live next to a busy road but I don’t see how a moat could stop an airplane in any circumstance save a mid-runway moat which would be tough to build with all those new aviation regulations. But I guess any of those passing cars could have bombs in them but probably not. Although, if I were a terrorist, Bloomington, Indiana would be the first place I would erase from the earth. I mean with the large frat population and the fact that Riverdance and Dennis Miller will be performing at the university auditorium, I’d say that this is a hot target. In fact, I may reference Wikipedia as to the best and most cost-effective way of manufacturing a homemade nuclear device and save al Qaeda from having to squander the precious few resources they have left. Charlie Cho just doesn’t know what he has gotten himself into. Now he’s stuck here with me, the budding terrorist and nuclear physicist and he hasn’t even built a God damn draw bridge to escape the island slated for certain destruction that he has so carelessly created. I’ve always wanted to operate a draw bridge with a large metal hat on my head so that dream will be slashed if my plans ever come to fruition. O the decisions we terrorists have to make! O the costs of opportunity we must endure! O the pangs of fundamentalist Islam! Maybe I’ll apply for the position if he builds the bridge and delay my personal nuclear proliferation plans for when my beard comes in thicker as to blend in with the rest of the terrorist scenesters.